Helsinki's Hits

Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors

Monday, June 29, 2009

Riddles in the dark

Torii inspired this post, talking about lotr whilst im re-reading the hobbit, and some of my kids whom i was saying riddles to the other day whilst bored in the library.

and please for fucks sake dont google the answer cause that just spoils it.


i am a dragons tooth,
i tear cities down,
and make kings.
what am i?


what keys cant you put in a lock?


what do the rich need,
the poor have,
and the dead eat?


what has roots as no-body sees,
is taller then trees,
up, up it goes,
yet never grows?


thirty white horses on a red hill,
first the champ, then they clamp,
then they stand still.


voiceless it cries,
wingless flutters,
toothless bites,
mouthless mutters.


cannot be seen, cannot be felt,
cannot be heard, cannot be smelt,
it lies behind stars and under hills,
and empty holes it fills,
it comes first and follows after,
ends life, kills laughter.


a box without hinges, keys or lid,
yet golden treasure inside is hid.


alive without breath, as cold as death,
never thirsty, ever drinking,
all in mail, never clinking.


this thing all things it devours,
birds, beasts, trees, flowers,
gnaws iron, bites steel,
grinds hard stone to meal,
slays kings, ruins towns,
and beats high mountains down.


this thing runs but never walks,
sometimes sings but never talks,
lacks arms but has hands,
lacks a head but has a face.


where would you find roads without cars,
forests without trees,
cities without houses?


i have no voice yet i speak to you,
i tell of all things in the world that people do,
i have leaves but i am not a tree,
i have pages but i am not royalty,
i have a spine and hinges but i am not a man or door,


it goes up but at the same time goes down,
up towards the sky and down towards the ground,
its present and past tense too,
come for a ride, just me and you.



ENJOY WORKING THEM OUT!!


Helsinki

Sunday, June 28, 2009

random love meaning

work out why im posting this song yourself. i just wanted to share some love.



"Heartache Every Moment"

From lashes to ashes
And from lust to dust
In your sweetest torment
I'm lost
And no heaven can help us
Ready, willing and able
To lose it all
For a kiss so fatal
And so warm

Oh it's heartache every moment
From the start 'til the end
It's heartache every moment
With you
Deeper into our heavenly suffering
Our fragile souls are falling
It's heartache every moment
Baby with you

And we sense the danger
But don't wanna give up
'Cause there's no smile of an angel
Without the wrath of god

Oh it's heartache every moment
From the start 'til the end
It's heartache every moment
With you
Deeper into our heavenly suffering
Our fragile souls are falling
It's heartache every moment
Baby with you
My darling with you

From lashes to ashes
And from lust to dust
In your sweetest torment
I am lost
And we sense the danger
But don't wanna give up

Oh it's heartache every moment
From the start 'til the end
It's heartache every moment
With you
Deeper into our heavenly suffering
Our fragile souls are falling
It's heartache every moment with you
That's right



LOVEEEEE

Helsinki

Saturday, June 27, 2009

confessions

have you ever noticed how its always the small things in life trigger the great changes? a small decision can end a relationship, a new hobby can land you a job but more importantly a small faery card reding can change everything.

the matron of the younger girls here, sue, started it all. sue is one of the most amazing people i have ever met. her life has defiantly had its ups and downs and out of respect to her i wont mention any such events. yet she loves magic, she inspires the girls, she creates wonders but more importantly she believes. she believes in redemption, she believes in change but more importantly she believes in me. it seems that everyone in my world here believes in me. ive never had so much support in my life. ive never been in a world when everyone believes that i can achieve anything ive wanted. back home ive had the support from my family and friends which i am eternally grateful for, but they accepted me for who i was, whereas here i am accepeted for who i am going to be.


a few hours ago sue offerred to take my faery wisdom reading. she laid the cards out and told me to pick 3 from the deck. it was uncanny how accurate the reading was. i wont tell you the details because it was a private reading. anyway due to the accuracy of the reading sue got her second deck out, a faery healing one, where she once again to my reading. the card carried the exact same message as the previous deck. it was uncanny.

i dont like sharing. my feelings, my thoughts, my emotions are mine and mine alone. most people around me know that. emotions are weakness. they bring you down. or so i used to think and part of me still does and always will.

but i am changing. i NEED to change. so here are my confessions, the thoughts of myself i never shared or have only just realised. the thoughts that need to come out if i am ever to change. if i am ever to become the person who is the best of me.

the thing that mostly bugs me, the worst trait i had, was selfishness. i believed myself to be completely selfless, taking on other peoples problems, in a show of helping them yet i realise that it was attention seeking behaviour. all those issues i had, i never should have carried. even when it got so much that i tried to kill myself i thought i had a hard life. i PITIED myself, the victim. but i was only a victim because i allowed myself to be. and i will never again let myself sink so low, become something so morally fucked.

so i apologise to my friends, my family who i always put second because i was unable to deal with them, for putting them through hell because i wasnt fit enough to deal.

and im sorry mum, even though u will never read this for not being the daughter u deserved. for shutting myself away rather then reaching out. im sorry i was never the person you wanted me to be but i hope that ive become someone you can be proud of.

and so begins my cleansing process. i need to and will, cleanse myself of all my issues that ive carried with me. all the problems i have with my mother, all the issues with H, all the guilt i had over maddy and any other things that plauged my mind.

because i want to come back free, i want to have a new slate and i WILL be different.

so there are my confessions. they will probably never happene again but i need some record that they did happen. something to prove the turning point in my life.

from a hopeful,

Helsinki

Friday, June 26, 2009

Spinning Wheels and Dreams


in my lifetime i have failed only a couple of subjects (and by fail i mean done bad in cause technically i still passed them all). these are maths methods in year 11 where i spent most of my time mucking around with sash rather then taking notes, japanese in year 9 cause ms. mayfield had little to NO control over her classes and the ever so lovely textiles classes where i on regular occasions broke the needle on the sewing machine, stabbed myself, sewed the wrong bits of material together and wasted many a lesson attempting to iron my 'garment'. so when my head matron told me she was bringing someone in to go through spinning wool with my boarders you can understand why i wasnt too impressed. so i ended up spending the evening trying to co-ordinate my foot movements and the threading of the wool whilst making sure the spinning wheel spun the right way. not easy if u have as little co-ordiantion as me...

THEN that night....

i had a weird dream. it originally started out with me, tash and a few others who i dont remember being hauled up in st hughs cause of a 'i am legend' deal with populace. luckily no-one knew we were there so it was safe. then cause we were scared of starting to starve tash and i started to hoard our food (food being skittles and cashew nuts...NO clue why...) the it suddenly changed so it wasnt freaky night creatures who were angsty by catholics and christians who were making life hard for the non-believers (as per USUAL) and if you weren't a believer and were taking place in a public event with believers you had to identify yourself as seperate by wearing a red mask. so i (tash had dissapeared by now) to a tennis match (you can tell its a dream cause u hate tennis) where the doubles match was being played by four girls in masks and they were playing really badly cause they couldnt see right. so i kept shouting things out like 'holocaust' and 'jew killings' which made people start closing in on me so i turned and walked away, into some catacombs (which were convientantly located) were i was led by some non-belivers into a cave full of people hiding out, scared of prosecution. but i refused to stay since i was convinced the large ab=mount of people would draw attention and cause them to be found easier. then i woke up.

i have odd dreams...

Helsinki

Thursday, June 25, 2009

NTT memory loss

now i reakon im not the only one with this problem. i call it night time texting, also known as NTT, memory loss.

classical symptoms of NTT memory loss include:
-not being aware the following morning that you were using your phone
-having to go though all your sent and recieved messages to find out what you said
-being extremely tired and no memory why (the tiredness comes from being constantly woken up during stages 1 and 2 sleep by your ring tone).

i am a classical sufferer of NTT memory loss. this comes from my relatively early bedtime (2230) and my boyfriends generally late bedtime. which means that i spend a good couple of hours drifting in and out of sleep, being woken by my phone (always on vibrate so as not to wake my girls) vibrating on my chest (i keep it there so it always wakes me up). so it is now a routine for me to wake up, re-read my texts and identify all the horrible spelling and stupid phrases i said whilst completely out of it with tiredness.

the only cure for NTT memory loss?
stop texting people late at night.

am i actually gunna stop doing that?
no.

from a NTT memory loss sufferer,

Helsinki

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Sherlock and Watson



check it ouuuut, the new sherlock holmes movie is due to come out. reason im telling you this? cause its gunna be WICKED. not only does it have robert downey jnr as sherlock and jude law as watson but its directed by crime movie magician, guy ritchie. this film is gunna rock.

sherlock trades in the classic deer hunting hat for a more sophisticated look, with watson carrying a dangerous looking cane giving the movie a darker feel. ritchie, the amazing man behind films 'lock, stock and two smoking barrels', 'snatch' and 'rock n rolla' has a talent for creating intricate connecting plots that are both creative and humourous, making films that can appeal to almost any viewer. lets home his new film is as good as his previous hits!

an excited,

Helsinki

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

ITS HERE!!!


the new single by the most awesomely wicked band, The 69 Eyes, haas arrived!

and it is magical, fantastical and beautiful all in one.

unfortunatly i couldnt post the link cause its on their myspace page which is annoyingly blocked by the school (grrrr...) but if u want to watch it then just myspace the band!



from a delighted,

Helsinki

ps- hope u liked my drool worthy pic ofthe glorious jussi. oh and i spose jyrki as well...

Monday, June 22, 2009

the result of fans with too much time

when i get bored i tend to filter through the ninemsn entertainment section. and low and behold i found an article surrounding a rather intresting clip.

this clip was cut and pasted from seven seasons of buffy and the twilight movie to show a relationship between buffy and edward before a final showdown where only one survives. i was also severely insulted when they crossed, withing seconds, between different seasons of buffy and didnt show angels beautiful face.

but after watching it i had only one question; who the hell has time to make these kinda things?



love

Helsinki

god bless cyanide and happiness

when in need of a laugh i go to good ol' explosm.net and read some cyanide and happiness comics. the other day i was thrilled when i found this comic:

ENJOY!



LOVE

Helsinki

Sunday, June 21, 2009

wickenby and nettles


i have had an awesome weekend. i spent it at the wickenby wings and wheels show. for those who dont know, wickenby is an airfield and the one that john used to work out of so ive spent a fair bit of time there. the wings and wheels show is when they have stalls and food and vintage cars but more importantly- they have vintage planes. wicked spitfires and such. gorgeous pieces of flying material. they also had several displays of air acrobatics from gerald cooper, 8th best at aerial acrobatics in the world, who wowed the crowd with his amazing skills (hes a pretty nice bloke but its his wife whose awesome- shes aussi and always nice to chat to). i worked on the tombola stand which was pretty fun since i had a steady stream of coke coming my way.

but more on the later!

the other day i made a new enemy. this enemy is everywhere and hates me. this enemy is stinging nettle.

i first fought stinging nettle in the middle of a games lesson (the lesson where the kids train for interschool sports). i was happily spending the lesson grumping at the girls who were waiting in line to bat at rounders when one of the girls hit a backwards ball over the fence into the shrubs behind it. i then went to search for the ball, not paying attention to the plants i was sticking my hand into (tom taught me to recognise stinging nettle) and got stung all over my left arm. but that was just the first incident with stinging nettle.

the second occured the night of the wickenby wings and wheels weekend. it was a 40's themed dinner and i was wearing this awesome long red dress that i stole from the costume cupboard at work for the previous day (it was a film dress up day and i went as one of draculas brides) and since katie was working the bar the two of us acquired free drinks all night (SCOOORE!!!). towards the end of the night there was only a couple of us left and non of us were really with it. somehow i was handed a phone and told to talk (it turned out to be tom on the other line) and when i worked out who it was i left the hanger that the dinner was in to talk more privately. yet this is me so i managed to make it outside, walked around to the side of the hanger, tripped, fell down. then yelped as i realised i had fallen into stinging nettle. poor tom had to listen to me moan as my feet, legs, arms and face were stung.

and since the skin on top of my feet is the thinnest it is still stinging, even though its neem 12 hours since i fell.

to conclude, i hate stinging nettle. it is a bitch. die. die. die.



im off,


Helsinki

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

*shocked face*


i am so shocked right now i cannot feel emotion. this is to weird, to unnatural, to HUGE to come to terms yet.

they are making a new buffy the vampire slayer movie.

but im not happy. im shocked and horrified. why you ask, am i not jumping up and screaming with joy at a remake of one of my ultimate favourite tv series (technically angel is my favourite but sinces its a spin off...) ?

because this movie has absolutly no connection WHATS SO EVER with joss whedon, creator of the original movie and tv series. but wait, theres more! this movie will not contain the likes of angel, willow, giles, xander, spike OR ANY OF THE SUPPORTING CHARACTERS. WHAT THE FUCK?!!! and, dare i say it, its worse, this movie will have no connection to any of the plot covered in the orginal movie or tv series.

ok i feel emotion now. I FEEL DISGUSTED!

how DARE they take joss's baby and turn it into a last ditch attempt to make money by milking the well known name of 'buffy'? without the love of joss there is no hope! the movie will be a dodgy ghost of the series with fans hating them!

this is just too horrid to comprehend. im just praying joss does commit suicide because of the crime being done to him.



from a highly disturbed,

Helsinki

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

MEGAN READ ME

sorry, this is an entry to megan of litary life. due to my inablilty to comment her (no FUCKING clue why) i have had to make a post to reply to one of her blog entries.

megan you were saying you were finding it difficult to get around the problem of describing a scene without nameing your protagonist.

here is my proposed solution, put into practice with the sentance u gave for an example-

"They stood like that for a minute or so, before Penny, softly and slowly, drew her hands from her waist. Penny reached up to her face, and cupped it."


'They stood like that for a minute or so, before Penny, softly and slowly, drew her hands from her waist. Penny reached up to her face, and cupped the beautiful features of the woman standing in front of her.'

hope that helps you out dearie!

LOVE

Helsinki

Friday, June 12, 2009

Body Paint

As many of you know, my main art medium is body paint. why? you ask, because it makes art take a living, breathing form.

Whilst searching through the endless wonders of tony the laptop i came across my old body painting pictures. now, sadly, i am unable to do any more pieces as i am seperated from my treasure trove of paint which currently resides in melbourne, australia. so i have decided to remember the body painting days by posting some of my favourite images.

Now i know what your thinking- 'this freak helsinkis just posting these images to get attention on work she completed over 6 months ago yada yada yada...'

And you know what? your completely right. so give me some god damn attention and comment me.


'Scales' (my personal favourite)



'Clipped Wings'



'Creep'



'Crying for Freedom'



'Cry Me' (un-photoshopped version)



'Death Comes'



'Fly Away'



'Loves Close'



'More than you'



'Nature Lover'



'Possesive'



'Temptation'



'The Jester'

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

*drools*

there is only one reason for this blog entry.

and here it is.






ENJOY

Helsinki

Monday, June 8, 2009

Review of 'Junk'


The novel 'Junk' written by Melvin Burgress is a novel about love, junk and the love of junk. Straight away you are introduced to the two main characters, Tar and Gemma.

Tar is an innocent boy caught between his parents war on each other and alcohol abuse. Frequently being beaten up by his father, Tar decides to run away from his life, leaving behind his girlfriend, Gemma. As a spoilt brat, Gemma has no idea how easy her life is and so believes her parents are horrid when they are just attempting to control her the best they can. She then follows Tar's lead and runs away to be with him, even though she doesn't love him like he loves her. Moving fro squat to squat, making new friends along the way. Going from drug to drug the two lovers develop a new love interest in shooting up...

This book in no way glorifies the taking of drugs but rather delivers the harshness of this world from multiple perspectives in a way that keeps you enthralled and amazed at the lengths people go to in order to score their next hit. Pity and wonder mix to give you an amazing, yet oddly disturbing novel that will hit you to the core. Be warned, this book does not give you a happy ending, for the lives lived in the novel can have no happiness.

I particularly found this book difficult to read as it hit too close to home but i was determined to complete it to know the ending. Still i encourage you to read it an decide for yourself.

dandelion, i love you,

Helsinki

Sunday, June 7, 2009

i miss the snow!


ah lovely, an english summer. such lovely... RAIN. and RAIN. and RAIN. oh joy.

how i miss the snow. at least when it was snowing you could go outside and be all in wonder rather then just grumpy that you were getting wet. also in the lovely snow it gets so cold that the flakes dont melt when they hit you but rather stay as little bits of white fluff on your coat.

dont get me wrong, i love rain, but on a hot day when u can lie out in it without getting cold and hear it pounding on a tin roof and thunder crashing above and lightning streaking across the sky.

but that doesnt really happen here. it gets grey. it rains. how lovely....

come back snow!!!

Helsinki

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Kill Hannah


so here i am, after a year of waiting, looking at the new Kill Hannah website which is finally up. And sadly, i think i prefer the old site! granted the pics of lead singer, matt, are no where near as hot as the current ones, but the layout was much better, or so me thinks.

you used to be able to click on the band members and find out funny random facts like their favourite drink and such and now ITS ALL GONE. to be replaced by a new, clean cut, website with no fun.

but cause i love Kill Hannah anyway im gunna say VISIT THEIR WEBSITE.

killhannah.com

thanks lovelies,

Helsinki

Friday, June 5, 2009

little black cats...


in the lovely village of woodhall spa where it live there is a single bank so if you need to take money out it has to be done at one of the 2 atms of this bank. currently, however, the atm machines are boarded up. what to know why?

cause some complete DOOSHBAG decided to try and steal them.

now tell me, if you need money why the HELL would you try and get it by attempting to RIP out a massively heavy hunk of metal from a solid brick wall completely PLASTERED with cameras. WHERE IS THE COMMON SENSE IN THAT?!

why wouldnt u rob a shop or a house or something? LOGIC PEOPLE!

so now if anyone wants money they have to go to the flaming co-op, but £5 worth of something to get cash out or to the post office.

i hate people so much.

but that wasnt really what i wanted to say. every friday katie and i wander down in our lunch break for ice creams (cause we're in love with this awesome cafe called Just Desserts) but we both needed money. so there we are strolling towards the post office when this ADORABLE little black cat steps out infront of us.

my reaction: KITTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! *runs towards it and starts stroking it*

so katie, noticing my distraction, pulls my up by my hood and drags me to the post office. however, whilst katie is talking to the lady in the post office, i randomly turn around AND THERE IS THE KITTY. IN THE POST OFFICE AT MY FEET. how CUTE is that?! so i drop down in the middle of the post office and start patting this little kitty whilst crooning to her, making a COMPLETE fool of myself but when a kitty is around it doesnt bother me until i get dragged away, once again by katie.

i want that kitty so bad! i wish i new her name... she was so sweet... *sniff*

I MISS YOU POST OFFICE KITTY



Helsinki

Thursday, June 4, 2009

FOR TORII

this picture is for torii,

ENJOY MY GIRL!





Helsinki

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

New Moon trailer

just in case you havent already seen it heres the new trailer i though id post the link just to spread the love- by love of course i mean love of JACOB.

oh and let mee just give u the heads up- hes TOPLESS and looking FANTASTIC. i am so glad im on term jacob... god edwards a dooshbag....

(NOTE- make sure u put the two parts of the link together-it would let me do it as one without chopping the end off... stupid blogger...)

mtv.com/videos/movie-trailers/395235/
trailer-premiere-new-moon.jhtml#movieId=1600299

LOVVVEEE

Helsinki

life questions....

I am in the mood to CHALLENGE you. to CONFUSE you. to MAKE YOU THINK.

and since this is my 111 blog entry- my favourite number cause its my b'day (1st of november) ive decided to make a deep entry...

so here are some questions, designed by me and the enigma to make u think about yourself and your beliefs...origianlly i left them without answers but i have decided to add little comments underneath them in case u overlook something about the question. NOTE: these may not be my beliefs.

1) if u were forced to make a choice on who to kill who would it be- ur best friend or 10 strangers?

is it possible to put a price on your best friends head? to you they would seem indispensable. yet if they really mean so much to you and yo to them would they not understand if you chose to kill them and would they not forgive you? for the 10 people you are kill are best friends to others. so it really comes down to who deserve pain more- you or the 10 people whose best friends you choose to kill?


2) would u individually strangle a school full of primary kids if u were told it would save your country? what if the kids u had to kill were from your country and needed to be killed in order to save iraq? (note: i choose iraq due to it being in recent war conflict and it is NOT a racist reference)

killing an entire school full of children is hard, especially when you have to individually strangle each one, but in doing so u are choosing to save and entire country full of school. it all comes the weighing of lives and whether a race does, in your mind, make a difference to whether a person deserves to live.


3) go on the theory that we learn from our history (it is a THEORY, not my personal belief) if given the chance would u go back and kill hitler, thus preventing the holocaust and killing of 6 million jews at risk that it could occur on a larger scale later on in history?

the concept that a person learns from their mistakes comes into play here. what would have happened if the holocaust did not occur? even though genocide has been repeated, even in australian culture through the stolen generation and in rwanda with the slaughtering of thousands of hutu's and tutsi's they were not on the same scale as that of the holocaust. yet had the holocaust not happened there could have been, for how many years and deaths would it have taken before man learned that it is morally wrong to smother out an entire race?

4) if you and your best friend were stuck in an airtight container with only enough air for one person would u sacrafice urself knowing that ur death will forever torment ur best friend?

if you kill yourself then your best friend has to spend the rest of their life in torment over how sacraficed yourself whilst you die, content with the glory of saving a life. would u condemn your friend to this or would u take the bullet and kill them ensuring a life of misery?


5) would u rather die in a horrid event or to live with the memories of the horrid event tormenting you

to die in a horrid event is freeing but limiting. to survive a horrid event is traumatic but liberating. which is better? or should i say which is worse?

i shall add more when i have time. enjoy meditating on these ones for now...

Helsinki

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

an extract for you...

hey y'all. i spent some time the other day filtering though all the files of crap currently living on my lap top and came across a piece of writing i had done earlier on in the year. i was amazed i still had it and hadn't deleted it thinking it was porn or something!

now anyone who has read pieces of my creative wirting is aware i like to write about DEATH. not to be angsty or anything but because death scenes are always the most raw and emotion filled scenes to have. i take pleasure in being able to write the strong and tragic paragraphs that come from a lovely death scene.

at the start of the year i got bored so i wrote a death scene centered around to lovers.... and of course made the engima look it over a couple times to finetune it (this was a habit developed from having the engigma in my english class last year...i abuse her awesome skills).

anyway this was result of me + boredom + word dorcument = death scene.

this is set just after a couple have crashed their car into the sea.

ENJOY

Then i saw him. Slumped, defeated against the steering wheel. Arms hanging limply by his side, like a broken doll, blood trickling a path through his messy hair.
'AJ?' i whispered. Except no noise came out. My voice had ran away at the sight of him 'AJ?!' i yelled, the strength of my returning voice scaring me, jolting me into action. I leant over and pushed him back against the seat, his stiff body bending easily to my will. His eyes were half closed, like the look he got when he was really drunk, his mouth hanging open slightly, blood dripping from a broken nose, the result, no doubt, of it hitting the steering wheel.

He uttered no sound, he made no move, his chest forsaking its normals deep breaths for an unnatural stillness that didn't suit his personality. This was not happening. This couldn't be happening. Not to me. Not again. One person can only endure so much. I wanted to touch him, to hold him in my arms. I wanted to lie to him and tell him everything will be okay.

But i cant.

Every innocent part of me is gone. I am a living, breathing shell, void of any emotion but despair. My feet are cold. I think the water has reached them, but i cant find it in me to look. I move my hand the window handle, a inch it round, letting the window open just enough for water to seep through. I can escape. I can get out. I'm not going to die, trapped underwater, in a tomb, forever. I can free myself from this.

I take one last look at AJ's body. I can feel water on my cheek. The roof must be leaking. I lean against the seat, taking a large breath, preparing myself for the swim to the surface, closing my eyes. Then i notice- the roof isn't leaking. My eyes are.

I'm crying.

I look over at AJ again and the tears start pouring out. They roll down my cheeks, in fat droplets, millions of little diamonds. Then it hits me. Survival isn't freedom. To live without AJ would just build bars around me, enclosing me in a constant prison with depression being my warden. I could not live like that. To be free is to be in love, to be free is to be with the one you love and to be free meant for me to be with AJ. In life and in death. So be it.

I wound the window back up that small inch, sealing my doom.

Closing my eyes i reached for AJ's cold, lifeless, hand and squeezed it.

The water started creeping up my legs, like it was testing me, looking for a reaction. I could feel it swirling around my hips, making the hem of my t-shirt dance. I could feel the coldness of the water stab at my stomach, thousands of tiny daggers, attacking my skin, sending my sensory nerves into a frenzy. I tried to block the message my body was sending to my brain, the message to get out whilst i still could. I squeezed my eyes tighter, making more tears seep out of the corners- yet i was not ashamed. I was, finally, content. Content with life, finally at peace with myself. The water reached my neck sending even more shivers down my spine.

I took one last breath, squeezing AJ's hand, knowing that it would be the last time i did either. The water took over my mouth, covering my face, washing away all remnants of my tears, cleansing me of all worldly problems, setting me free.

Free to die, in peace.


LOVE

Helsinki

flaming bulls and unicorns


as im pretty sure ive mentioned, my new sketch book, The Sith Lord, is now in motion.

and to kick it off i have drawn, under instruction from Tom, raging bulls in fire and unicorns. now he assures me that these ideas are from a movie he watched when he was younger called the Last Unicorn (to be fair i did IMDB the movie just to make sure Tom wasnt insane) and it DOES exist and was made in like '82 so a far while before i was born. sadly, youtube is blocked as im back on the schools net, but ive done some digging and now im really intriuged in this movie. i really desperatly wanna see it!

if anyone HAS seen this movie then PLEASE comment me with details so i can learn MOAR.

thats enough from me! im sure u guys have better things to do with ur time then read about the inner thoughts of my mind!

Helsinki

Monday, June 1, 2009

NEWSFLASH


sorry guys, i havent been able to get online for a while hence the lack of awesome blogs from me.

recent happenings in the world of Helsinki-

i broke up with my boyfriend. we still, however, remain steadfast friends which i dont think will change at all. i love him muchness so we'll be mates for a long time!



AND

i have made a new revealation. you wont believe me when i say it. which is why it will be in AWESOME CAPITAL LETTERS.



SCOUTS ARE COOL.


no joke. absolute no joke. dont laugh. i am serious here. on the weekend i went to cub camp, which is for boys too young to be a scout where i helped a mate, katie, out in the kitchen (meaning a tent with a gas cooker), which went thru friday night, saturday and sunday. it was HELL fun. we cooked the food, helped organise the cubs, sunbathed, drank a lot, played twister on katies awesome twister towel and found that the best way to stay warm at night is to cram 4 people into a 3-man tent. so i advise people with younger siblings and such to make them go into scouts cause it SO AWESOMLY FUN.

i am seriously pissed my parentals deprived me of such an experience. i even have a patch to put on my camp fire blanket (when i get one) and a proper necker. as well as an invite to the next cub camp (which i am DEFINATLY going to).

i intend on attaching photos to this post when i have time,

loveeeee

Helsinki

tent cake and tom


start of mid term. what better way to kick it off then cake and a party.

i started off my week of freedom by bailing to katies, where she, tim and i went to a friend of hers, Tom's, 22nd b'day. since tom is an avid camper katie had the awesome idea of creating a TENT CAKE.

this cake was AWESOME. we made it from chocolate cake, covered it in green icing (colour mixed by me) and iced on black ropes. it was, in short, one of the coolest cakes EVER.

so we arrived, me not even knowing the b'day boy, with a giant green tent cake. thank god tom liked the cake. but then bloody TIM went and stuffed up some of the icing (causeing me to slap him, it made to BEST noise) and i ended up climbing trees with tom in the woods near his house.

NOTE: i managed to climb trees, under influence, in a dress and wearing my shitty boots- WITHOUT FALLING ONCE. i think i deserve a round of applause for such an awesome effort. go me!

anyway im off for now!



ta ta

Helsinki