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Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

an extract for you...

hey y'all. i spent some time the other day filtering though all the files of crap currently living on my lap top and came across a piece of writing i had done earlier on in the year. i was amazed i still had it and hadn't deleted it thinking it was porn or something!

now anyone who has read pieces of my creative wirting is aware i like to write about DEATH. not to be angsty or anything but because death scenes are always the most raw and emotion filled scenes to have. i take pleasure in being able to write the strong and tragic paragraphs that come from a lovely death scene.

at the start of the year i got bored so i wrote a death scene centered around to lovers.... and of course made the engima look it over a couple times to finetune it (this was a habit developed from having the engigma in my english class last year...i abuse her awesome skills).

anyway this was result of me + boredom + word dorcument = death scene.

this is set just after a couple have crashed their car into the sea.


Then i saw him. Slumped, defeated against the steering wheel. Arms hanging limply by his side, like a broken doll, blood trickling a path through his messy hair.
'AJ?' i whispered. Except no noise came out. My voice had ran away at the sight of him 'AJ?!' i yelled, the strength of my returning voice scaring me, jolting me into action. I leant over and pushed him back against the seat, his stiff body bending easily to my will. His eyes were half closed, like the look he got when he was really drunk, his mouth hanging open slightly, blood dripping from a broken nose, the result, no doubt, of it hitting the steering wheel.

He uttered no sound, he made no move, his chest forsaking its normals deep breaths for an unnatural stillness that didn't suit his personality. This was not happening. This couldn't be happening. Not to me. Not again. One person can only endure so much. I wanted to touch him, to hold him in my arms. I wanted to lie to him and tell him everything will be okay.

But i cant.

Every innocent part of me is gone. I am a living, breathing shell, void of any emotion but despair. My feet are cold. I think the water has reached them, but i cant find it in me to look. I move my hand the window handle, a inch it round, letting the window open just enough for water to seep through. I can escape. I can get out. I'm not going to die, trapped underwater, in a tomb, forever. I can free myself from this.

I take one last look at AJ's body. I can feel water on my cheek. The roof must be leaking. I lean against the seat, taking a large breath, preparing myself for the swim to the surface, closing my eyes. Then i notice- the roof isn't leaking. My eyes are.

I'm crying.

I look over at AJ again and the tears start pouring out. They roll down my cheeks, in fat droplets, millions of little diamonds. Then it hits me. Survival isn't freedom. To live without AJ would just build bars around me, enclosing me in a constant prison with depression being my warden. I could not live like that. To be free is to be in love, to be free is to be with the one you love and to be free meant for me to be with AJ. In life and in death. So be it.

I wound the window back up that small inch, sealing my doom.

Closing my eyes i reached for AJ's cold, lifeless, hand and squeezed it.

The water started creeping up my legs, like it was testing me, looking for a reaction. I could feel it swirling around my hips, making the hem of my t-shirt dance. I could feel the coldness of the water stab at my stomach, thousands of tiny daggers, attacking my skin, sending my sensory nerves into a frenzy. I tried to block the message my body was sending to my brain, the message to get out whilst i still could. I squeezed my eyes tighter, making more tears seep out of the corners- yet i was not ashamed. I was, finally, content. Content with life, finally at peace with myself. The water reached my neck sending even more shivers down my spine.

I took one last breath, squeezing AJ's hand, knowing that it would be the last time i did either. The water took over my mouth, covering my face, washing away all remnants of my tears, cleansing me of all worldly problems, setting me free.

Free to die, in peace.



1 comment:

A Book Unfinished said...

i remember this story. it was really heart wrenching. still is :( *tear* oooh remember the one you wrote about the guy raping that girl and then she ended up becoming obsessed with him and you were trying to write it to freak tory out. that story i always remember!! :|

but this one was better. MUCH. better :D

love lvoe